THE BEGINNING ============= As is ever the case, from humble beginnings great things did grow. In the year 4000BC a young firebrand named Hannabeline inspired the women of her tribe to overthrow their weak and ineffective chieftain in a lightning coup d'etat. With their popular support, she seized the leadership of her small but very determined tribe of Carthaginians. That very night as she slept, the Gods marked their approval of Hannabeline's leadership by revealing to her a breathtaking vision in which her humble tent was transformed into a magnificent seaside palace, complete with a solarium, hot running water, and with extensive mountain views. There enthroned, surrounded by fawning courtiers and eager bureaucrats, foreign ambassadors came from far and wide to pay her their respects and to shower her with exquisite and delightful gifts. "Crikey!" Hannabeline murmured to herself next morning as she pondered on the personal benefits of large scale fawning and respect payment, solaria, hot baths and plentiful gift showering. "I reckon the Gods are trying telling me something important." So inspired, she led her wandering people towards the coast to establish a permanent home for themselves. Coming upon a piece of gently rolling grassland nestled between the river and some lovely golden sandy beaches, she called for a halt. In ringing tones for all her tribe to hear, she uttered the immortal words that would become mighty Carthage's city motto "Here's as good a place as any! Back packs down!". Thus Carthage was not so much settled as plonked down in a spot that seemed reasonable, between the sea, the grasslands, the river and the mountains. Hannabeline addressed her people soon after they settled. In a stirring speech she declared "We shall make Carthage a great and mighty nation. We will be known throughout all the world as a peace loving people, slow to anger and quick to forgive. We shall make war in response to war, but only so far as is necessary". While the crowds cheered, a pessimistic few shook their heads. "What utter bunkum" one particularly brave young man muttered, "We won't last past the QSC let alone into the AD's with a boneheaded philosophy like that ! I tell you now if Brennus and his Celtic barbarians let their spears rust next month there'll be a revolution quick smart!" Hardly had the words left his mouth when he felt the keen pricking of a very sharp knife in the small of his back, made all the worse by a deep and chilling whisper from just behind his left shoulder. "Och laddie ! Dinnae ye fash yourself much aboot that noo – the blud is likely tae flow soon enough come April. An' I do troost that ye'll be rushin' tae enlist right early, won't ye noo laddie?". The now not-so-bold fellow was barely able to stammer "Y-y-yes s-sir i-if ye - I m-mean you – want me tae", before the voice continued. "Well now laddie, ye'll jest say naught tae anyone aboot us won't ye., For some 'f the lads 'n I from the clan have called in, jest tae ken how well this wee lassie runs, jest in case we must tae step in early." By the time our brave lad had stopped trembling enough to realise that the knife had gone, all the fellow could see was a flash of red hair as a tall, heavily built warrior disappeared through the milling crowd. STEPS INTO THE UNKNOWN ====================== "Lets give these idle menfolk something to do" Hannabeline declared, giving the order to raise a few warrior units to go out exploring. "And another thing - this damned bark crockery is useless for state banquets and royal garden parties!" she complained, "Find me something more practical". So Carthage's top scientists were sent off to master the use of clay. Being an industrious folk with a good sense for business, work was quickly started to quarry the surrounding grassland and to build roads leading from Carthage into the surrounding countryside. Time passed, and reports began to flood in from the warriors exploring the wilderness around Carthage. Gold in the hills, thick jungles, barren deserts, great herds of elephants, and fertile river plains were all found by these brave explorers. In the far northwest, ice fields could be seen glimmering across the narrow but treacherous straits. But no sign was found of other inhabitants. Settler parties were formed to go to these new and empty lands, there to build new cities and to tame the land for the glory of Carthage. Utica was founded in the river valley, Leptis Magna and Minor along the south and northeast coasts, Theveste to the north and Hippo to the far west. One dark evening, a demented old man calling himself Gibbon appeared at the palace gates demanding to see Hannabeline. Warily allowing him in, he rudely harangued at length her saying that the Gods had deemed Hannabeline and all the nation of Carthage to be Seventh among the Nations, and quite Hopeless at that. Further, she should immediately lift her game dramatically. "At least you rated a mention on the A-list, so don't give up yet" he concluded, as he turned and shuffled away. To her relief, he was never seen again. AN UNSPEAKABLE HORROR TO THE NORTH ================================== Horrific reports began to trickle in to Hannabeline of an evil and impenetrable grey fog menacing the seas to the north-west. Terrified messengers reported that the fog was alive – it pulsated and seemed to be watching in every direction with evil red eyes. "What have these clowns been drinking ???" Hannabeline muttered to herself. But these spine-chilling reports were soon confirmed. Carthage's priests divined that a powerful and hitherto unknown God named Crackerus had sent this fog. He devised it in order to terrify the cowardly, and to test the brave. For it was later discovered that only the most stout-hearted could disperse this evil fog, by entering in and wrestling with it. In doing this, some became stronger for their ordeal. But rumour spread that even the bravest warriors and sailors of Carthage risked having the fog suck their very life and souls from within them, leaving them weakened or even dead. NO-ONE IS AN ISLAND – BUT WE'RE ALONE ON ONE ============================================ Soon it was clear to Hannabeline that Carthage was alone on an island, even though other lands could be seen tantalisingly close across the choppy seas. "These bark and log rafts are absolutely useless for state cruises !" Hannabeline complained to her chief scientists. "We (i.e. YOU) must find a way to travel safely over to our neighbouring lands. Perhaps then we can trade, or settle new and richer lands. Get the idea?". Having survived the cutthroat politics of academic life, these eminent scientists were astute enough to quickly agree with Hannabeline. They immediately pulled out a complex and largely incomprehensible research proposal that, strangely enough, required a massive increase in public research spending. Hannabeline grudgingly agreed, muttering dark warnings about the price of failure. THE MINISTRY OF PUBLIC EDIFICES & POINTY STONE THINGS ===================================================== It was in these early years that Hannabeline allowed herself to be entranced by a group of ambitious advisors, who fuelled her desire to make Carthage the envy of the world. "We are safe here on this island, we don't need a large army. Instead, let us build an enormous pointy thing out of stone here in Carthage, that will make you the envy of all the rulers of the world". Swept up in the enthusiasm of the moment, Hannabeline agreed, creating the Ministry of Public Edifices. Although just a small team of well-meaning enthusiasts in the beginning, the Ministry would in time grow to become the heart of Hannabeline's bureaucracy and consume much of Carthage's productive resources. It was not until much later that Hannabeline realised the flaw in their argument. As far as she knew, the number of "all the rulers of the world", including herself, would not even constitute a company let alone a crowd. However, her pride got the better of her and Hannabeline allowed the work to continue. Finally, after 1500 years of dedicated labour, Hannabeline declared the Pyramid open. "Looks great, but what's in blazes is it for ?" many of the common folk scrawled anonymously in the visitors book, having queued for hours in the hot sun to look it over. However, nobody dared to suggest that the inflated egos of a certain well-known Queen, ambitious bureaucrats and a surplus of toadying courtiers might have had a minor part in proceedings. Interestingly, it was later discovered by a team of rather under-utilised academics that the building of the Pyramids had mysteriously caused the people of Carthage's home island to breed twice as fast as previously. However, the metaphysical connection between a massive stone pointy thing, and the effectiveness of Carthage's citizens' more private activities, had even the wisest of the senior priests perplexed. FIERCE VOLCANO GODS =================== One fine and particularly clear day a horrified shriek echoed through the palace. "What the H**L was that?" Hannabeline exclaimed. The shriek came from the palace roof. A lookout had been peering north, when suddenly the mists across the narrow straits cleared and she had seen far off a fiery, smoking volcano. Worse, a strong northerly wind had carried with it plaintive cries for help from two unfortunates trapped on its slopes. Hannabeline, a caring and compassionate Queen, was struck to the heart. "We must rescue them" she declared. And so the first galley built by the scientists of Carthage was put straight to work carrying a strong warrior north on a humanitarian mission. After a titanic battle with the evil gods of Mt. Etna, and battling more of the malevolent fog, two north island natives named Yndy and Karasu were freed. "We are forever in your debt" they said, throwing themselves at the feet of the warrior. "Got any odd jobs you want done ?" These two were quickly put to work preparing roads and quarries for the settler party that was soon to arrive. Later, brave Carthaginian troops defeated the Volcano Gods of Mt. Vesuvuis and lastly the dreaded Theon Oikema – Mountain of the Gods. In each case grateful natives were freed, who then willingly entered the service of mighty Carthage. OUR TREACHEROUS EGYPTIAN NEIGHBOURS =================================== Around the time that Hannabeline's Pyramid was complete, word came back from exploring warriors that neighbours had finally been met. Soon, Hannabeline exchanged greetings with her sister Queen, Cleopatra of the Egyptians. The Egyptians proved to be a sullen and uncooperative neighbour, unwilling to trade knowledge or pay a fair price for Carthage's learning. Hannabeline had an uneasy feeling about these newly discovered neighbours. In these years our warriors explored further afield through the islands to the east of Carthage. Following behind them were brave settlers keen to carve new homes and to carry the glorious name of Carthage to the ends of the earth. One brave party followed in the steps of these warriors who encountered the Egyptians, and they settled on the island closest to the Egyptian homeland. However, after much hard work establishing a small settlement, a party of Egyptians landed and declared war on them. After a fierce battle, the Egyptians captured the small settlement. Hannabeline fumed at Cleopatra's treachery with but a lack of ready galleys and troops she eventually elected to make peace. There were more ways to triumph than by the point of a spear, she decided. THE YEARS OF GLORY ================== It was not long before the bureaucrats prevailed on Hannabeline to undertake two mighty works simultaneously, a decision that they later came to regret. On the brighter side, the Ministry of Public Edifices demonstrated their skills in completing the Great Library and the Great Lighthouse. In fact, the scheduling of these projects were further guided by the wise counsel given by Carthage's chief priests. After meditating on the strange ways of the god Infogrammus, they advised Hannabeline to delay work on the Great Library project (which was running ahead of the Lighthouse project) in order to complete both of these projects in the same year. Achieving this remarkable conjunction was most likely please the Gods. The priests declared that this would influence the Gods to avert an evil Cascade, a hideous conjunction of the celestial spheres which would lead to the utter destruction of one of these vital projects. And so, in the year 130 BC, Carthage and Leptis Major were the centre of wild celebrations marking the opening of these two great edifices. Coinciding with the anniversary marking the completion of the Pyramids, the enthusiasm of the people of Carthage knew no bounds. They were inspired to double their efforts for the glory of their Queen. This year of 150 BC was the start of a golden age. But sadly, there was a small problem with the new Great Library - but that's a different story – told in detail in Driven to Explore - Or Else. THE YEARS OF GROWTH AND DISCOVERY ================================= It was many, many years yet before the Ministry of Public Edifices dared to urge the building of any great projects. They spent the next thousand years overseeing the building of temples, marketplaces, universities, cathedrals and harbours throughout the empire. Science flourished, and the discovery of Navigation opened the world up to the intrepid Carthaginian sailors. Contact was quickly made with the other strange civilizations of the world – Greeks, Romans, Zulu, Babylonians, Iroquois, Aztecs, Chinese, Americans, Russians and Germans. Most of these nations were backward, some many hundreds of years behind the great Carthage. No other nation had mastered skills in sailing across the oceans. Hannabeline and her traders were quick to reap a large amount of gold by introducing these foreigners to each other, and by selling them obsolete technology. Thus was Carthage made even richer and more powerful. In her wisdom and grace, Hannabeline rewarded the loyalty and faithfulness of her people by allowing them to share in her government – in the celebrations after the opening of the Great Library and Lighthouse, the Republic of Carthage was declared. THE RETURN OF THE BUREAUCRATS ============================= As the year 1000AD drew near, the Ministry of Public Edifices gathered its courage again after the Great Library debacle. With the honeyed words that only a fawning career sycophant can master, they painted for Hannabeline a picture replete with foreign envoys, showering gifts sent by admiring and envious foreign rulers. And all Hannabeline had to do was sign at the bottom of these few modest public works contracts. Well, Hannabeline was captivated by their words. The memory of her divine vision was as fresh in her memory as if it had happened yesterday, and precious little gift-showering had happened so far. Thus, the work started. And it grew. And the Ministry grew. Bureaucrats and Ministry branch offices sprang faster than mushrooms after a week of summer rain on a field full of cow pats. The list of public works completed in honour of Hannabeline and to the glory of the Carthaginian people grew. Copernicus's Observatory (1010AD) and Newton's University (1265AD) made Carthage's second city of Utica a powerhouse of research. The Carthaginian people became the cultural leaders of the world, building the Sistine Chapel (930AD), Magellan's Voyage (1150AD), Universal Suffrage (1495AD), the Theory of Evolution (1535AD), the Hoover Dam and finally the United Nations (1794AD). A WAR NOT OF OUR MAKING ======================= Hannabeline faithfully kept to her ancient oath of peace throughout all the years of her reign. War with Egypt had led to the loss of one small city, and the denial to Carthage of the most remote island closest to Egypt. It was many centuries before war again came to Carthage – all Hannabeline's neighbours were eager to trade with her for luxury goods and knowledge. Carthage grew rich as others bought her hard-earned technology. But that kind of relationship was not good enough for Shaka, Chief of the Zulu. In an ill-advised move, Shaka believed that he could repeat his annihilation of Babylon and his defeat of the Iroquois in a pre-emptive war with Carthage. So, he declared war on Hannabeline, who acted promptly to teach him a short sharp lesson in manners. More of the story of this war is told in the The Tale of Coal. For many years after the Zulu war, a Carthaginian outpost city in Zululand exported coal to Carthage, fuelling the building of railways across much of the empire. Sadly, and much to the regret of an inept army General who failed to properly garrison the city, Shaka launched a sneak attack and recaptured the territory he had earlier lost. By this time however, coal was not an essential item and Hannabeline elected to keep her oath and to make peace with Shaka. To his credit, however, the General responsible for the Zulu debacle was later widely recognised as having a mastery of lavatory cleanliness that far exceeding his skill in planning civil defenses. THE END OF AN ERA ================= Having completed the United Nations building in Carthage, Hannabeline invited the rulers of all the nations of the world to the opening ceremony. After all these centuries, she still entertained fond hopes of seeing large-scale fawning and gift- showering. After the experience of the opening ceremonies of earlier great wonders, the party-throwing skills of the immensely wealthy Hannabeline were by now legendary. So naturally all the world leaders were more than eager to attend. Even Chief Shaka, reassured after a promise of diplomatic immunity, decided to join in the festivities. As the world dignitaries gathered, Hannabeline announced that one of their number would need to be elected Secretary-General of this new UN club-house before the grand opening party celebrations could begin. Grumbling at the delay at this late stage, with the well-stocked bar and the heavily laden buffet tables there in plain view, they all agreed. But the big question on everyone's mind was - who to elect ? Shaka, as the loudest and largest of the world rulers, pushed to the front and declared his candidacy. "Remember the Babylonians" came a quiet voice from the back, and Shaka turned pale. Then all eyes turned to Hannabeline. Resplendent in her robes of state, she swept to the front of the gathering and announced that she, too, would nominate for the UN position. As the ballots were gathered an uneasy silence hung over the assembled world leaders. The votes were counted. "Shaka votes for himself" it was announced. "Not surprising – you arrogant fool. You look like a sunburnt turkey in that ridiculous headgear" someone called from the back. Shaka looked angrily around but could not see who had said it, but the others could not help seeing the smirk on the face of little Hiawatha standing conveniently behind Alexander. "Persia abstains" was the next vote announced. Xerxes glared at those around him with a sullen expression on his face. "Nobody even thought to nominate me" he muttered to himself. Then turning to his neighbour Elizabeth he hissed "Not even you Lizzie. I thought we had a deal". Then all other votes were declared for Hannabeline. She had won ! "Let's party!" she shouted, "The first round's on me". Shaka stormed out of the room in high dudgeon, vowing retribution next month. Xerxes scowled, but cheered up when Lizzie led him across to the bar. "Just remember, X-Man my dear. You did pretty well in game 15, didn't you, when you thrashed that upstart Hammy seven times out of ten? And there's always game 19 soon when I am sure you will massacre what's-his-name, you know, that Turkish chappie."